


If Our Love's Insanity (Why Are You My Clarity)

by HeavensConfessions



Category: One Direction
Genre: Age Difference, Bottom Harry, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Exhibitionism, Face Slapping, Felching, Feminization, First Time, Grinding, Hate Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Jealousy, Love/Hate, M/M, Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Possessive Behavior, Protective Louis, Public Claiming, Sexual Tension, Top Louis, cross dressing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:16:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3697085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavensConfessions/pseuds/HeavensConfessions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Louis comes back to his family to look after his brother, Harry, while his mother leaves for work, things definitely start to change. They say true love is a blessing, but that's not always the case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Different Light.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to try making a brother AU, and lets hope it's not half bad :)

"3 months? Wow, where are you going?" Louis looked at his mother as she hurried around the kitchen, closing drawers and tidying up the place. He took a seat at the kitchen table, watching her rush about. Jay grabbed a bunch of mail from the counter and trashed it in the trashcan quiet aggressively. Louis waited for her to answer.

"Kansas. They have an opening we have discuss there--my office could be moved permanently and I need to see what I can do," Jay took a deep breath as she looked all around the kitchen, making sure every spot was clean. She turned to Louis and gave him a smile. She sat down heavily next to him.

"Listen, I want to thank you so much for coming. I-I know that after some… _events,_ it was a lot to ask but--" Louis interrupted her with a quick scoff. He looked down at his fingers, picking at the hangnails. Jay paused and stared at Louis, guilt etched across her face. After a minute, she continued.

"It's just that Des was busy and everyone was out, I needed someone I could trust completely. So thank you, Louis. I really appreciate it." Louis looked up to see that she was being genuine, which was rare for her. Louis just shrugged and said, "Someone's gotta take care of that brat, right?" Jay smiled and nodded. "Exactly." Louis gave her a small grin, which was more than what he did for a year. 

Suddenly they both heard the door open, and Jay got up. "I'm gonna…" Jay motioned to the door and Louis nodded, understanding. She grabbed a grey suitcase that was sitting next to the table and walked to the door. Louis stayed where he was, thinking about what she said. He heard some inaudible talking, and then his brother's voice go, "Wait, you're leaving now?" Louis got up and headed where the door was as well, seeing his mom and his little brother talking.

Louis looked at Harry, noticing he changed a lot in the past two years. His hair was way curlier than Louis remembered, and his eyes were a prominent emerald green. His skin was pale and milky, looking soft and smooth. His lips were pink and pouty, Louis remembered that. Whenever he didn't get something, all he had to do was pout and look up through his eyelashes, and he got it. He had his schoolbag on, and wore tight skinny jeans with a full sleeved black shirt with an owl in the middle.

"Hey kid," Louis said after Jay stopped talking. Harry suddenly turned to Louis. "Lou." He said softly, almost in shock. He didn't think he would ever see him again. Harry stared at Louis, up and down, noticing he had changed a lot too. For one, he was taller than last time, and he had a light scruff Harry saw.

"Honey, your brother is going to be here to look after you, alright? Everything will be fine. I'll be back in no time. I promise." Jay pulled Harry in for a hug, but he didn't return it. He just wore a blank expression, trying to act like he didn't really care.

"Yeah, whatever. Bye." Harry pulled out of the hug and passed them both without a last glance, heading up the stairs to his room. Jay gave a tired sigh, and looked at Louis. 

"I'll take care of him. Go," Louis said gently. Jay nodded after a moment, and smiled. She grabbed her suitcase again, and went out the door after giving Louis a last look. He walked up to the door, watching her go in the car and drive out of the driveway. He lingered there for a moment, and then closed the door. He went up the stairs, and found Harry's room. Everything was the same as he remembered. He stopped in Harry's doorway, and knocked on the wall. He saw Harry slumped against his headboard, playing some game on his phone. 

"What?" Harry said, sounding annoyed. 

"Can I come in, your highness?" Louis let the sarcasm run through his voice, trying to get some reaction out of his brother. Harry let out a simple, "No," eyes still glued on the screen.

Louis still walked in, looking around the room. He had posters of cats, owls, books, movies,  _men._ Louis raised his eyebrow at one particular shirtless male on the poster in amusement. He glanced at Harry was tapping at his phone angrily. He frowned as Louis heard a , "Endgame," come from the phone. Letting out a frustrated groan, Harry threw the phone somewhere on the bed. He sat up straight and looked at Louis--actually, more like  _glared_ at Louis. 

"Why'd you come back?" His eyes were narrowed and condescending, and he crossed his arms. Louis leaned against the wall. "Mom called me. Why are you so grumpy?" Harry's frown lessened, and he got up from the bed, heading for his table. Louis watched him walk, hearing him say, "Whatever." Harry took out a paper from his drawer and handed it to Louis before he could say anything. He sat down on the bed again, smiling this time.

"I won first place. I got to have a free dinner at Lucy's. And Mr. Winston said that it was the best story he'd ever read. It even went on the school website," Harry said proudly as he wore a smug smile on his face. Louis looked down at the paper, seeing all these comments and stars on it. 

"Geek." Louis sniggered, throwing back the papers at Harry. "You're just jealous," Harry said smugly. Louis nodded and rolled his eyes. "I'm so jealous of my spoiled fifteen year old nerd of a brother." Louis stretched out the word 'so' and Harry grinned. "At least I'm not short for my age." Louis stood up straight this time. "You take that back!" He watched Harry shake his head firmly, chuckling at Louis. Louis quickly tackled him on the bed, getting a scream from Harry as he tried to get out of his grasp. Louis tickled his stomach, knowing it was Harry's weak spot. 

Harry giggled loudly and tried pushing Louis off. Louis finally stopped and Harry quickly got on top of him, trying to catch his breath. Louis let out a breath and scooted up the the headboard of the bed, tilting his head to look at Harry, who had his chin on Louis' chest, dimples slowly fading. Louis looked at him seriously. The giggles stopped and silence filled the room.

"You know you can't treat her like that, Haz." Louis said lightly as Harry looked up at him. Harry paused, and his eyes flickered down to Louis' chin. 

"What do you mean?" He said, and Louis knew him all too well to know he was lying. He gave Harry a 'really' look, making him look at him in the eye. Harry stayed silent, staring at the alarm clock next to the bed. He shifted, bending his legs on either side of Louis' and placed his hands on Louis' chest. 

"What'd you bring me?" It was an obvious attempt to change the subject, but Louis didn't comment. He acted confused. "What do you mean?" he asked innocently. 

"Louis," Harry whined as he drawled the name out. "I want my present." Louis gave his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. But get off me, you're heavy." Harry pouted as he hesitantly got off his brother, and Louis got up, the bed comforters messed up and wrinkled. Harry followed Louis excitedly as they went downstairs, and to the kitchen where Louis' bag was.

Louis ruffled through the bag, and then brought out a two boxes. He rested his elbows on the table, looking at Harry and holding up the two boxes in either hands. Harry bit his lip, looking at the one on the left, as it was was slightly bigger. 

"One has a ring inside, and the other one…is for Eleanor." Louis said simply. Harry tore his gaze from the box and looked at Louis, frowning. "Why are you giving  _her_ a present?" 

"Because I missed her."

"You missed me too."

"Eh, not really."

Harry scowled at him. He felt bothered. Gifts were only for family. "I want both." Harry said finally. Louis raised his eyebrows. "That's not how you ask, Harry." Harry hesitated, and then gave in.

"Please, Louis." He said eagerly, which was extremely rare for Harry. Louis just smirked, making Harry impatient. So he grabbed the two boxes and ran for the couch, just in case Louis would grab them back, but he didn't. Louis just watched him run to the couch and plump down, curling himself into a ball.

Harry opened the first box, which revealed a unisex ring with a blue diamond in the middle. Harry took it out and immediately put it on, stretching his hand out and admiring it. He heard Louis open the microwave from the kitchen, putting something in. Harry moved on to the next present, which was supposed to be for Eleanor. He ignored that fact.

Opening the box, Harry peered in. He gasped. It was beautiful. It had pink shiny gems and diamonds across, and glitter making it spectacularly sparkly. Harry took it out, examining it. He didn't really know what it was. It looked like an accessory, but he didn't know. As if on cue, he heard Louis' footsteps come closer and a plate of pizza bites was shoved under his chin. Harry pushed it away, which only made Louis push it back, more forceful this time. "Harry," Louis said in a 'watch it' tone. Sighing, Harry put down the shiny thing and took the plate, shoving a pizza bite in his mouth, knowing Louis wouldn't back down if he didn't have at least one.

"What is this?" he asked with his mouth stuffed. He pointed at the thing. Louis looked at it and said, "A butt plug." Harry choked on his food, struggling to swallow. He coughed. "What?" he asked.

"A butt plug," Louis repeated casually as if they were discussing the weather. Harry stared at him, and then blinked, not knowing what to say. "Now, will you let me take it and give it to Eleanor?" Louis reached for the plug, but Harry grabbed it and took it away from Louis. He stared at it. Looking at it again, he should've known what it was. The curve and handle, the smooth surface. Harry felt dumb, but also…intrigued. He had never actually seen one, let alone held one. He twirled it around in his hand.

"I still want it," Harry told Louis, which earned him a raise of the eyebrow and smirk from Louis. Harry ignored that. He put the plug back in the box and finished his pizza bites. There was no more talk of it. At least, for the time being.

"Listen, I'm gonna have Zayn over," Louis said to Harry when he came back from the kitchen to put the plate away. "So you do your homework, okay?" He got up and offered Harry a hand. Harry didn't take it as he got up and went for the stairs. "I don't have any homework."

"Bullshit."

"I don't!" Harry protested as Louis went up the stairs with him. Louis knew he was lying. Harry had a habit of blinking too much when he fibbed, and he was indeed blinking.

"Stop lying love, it doesn't get you anywhere." Louis gave Harry a gentle push into his room. Harry pouted as he took out his books from his school bag. Louis took his phone from his bed when Harry threw it earlier and put it in his pocket. Harry frowned.

"What're you doing?" He reached for the phone in Louis' pocket, but Louis caught his wrist and held it in front of his chest. "You think I forgot what a liar you are?" Harry still stared at the pocket, pouting even deeper. "Come on babe, don't be difficult. I thought you were a good boy," Louis says in a soft tone. Harry finally looks up at him. Louis knows that Harry liked praise from him. Not mum, not dad, just Louis. He never understood why, but he liked it. Harry always did things to impress Louis, or please him, just to get some sort of compliment. Louis used that to his advantage.

"I am a good boy," Harry said factorially, going a bit closer to Louis' face. He peered up at him through his eyelashes, and Louis froze. Something in the atmosphere shifted, and silence filled the room. He felt wrong, like  _really_ wrong. He suddenly realized the scene. He had Harry's wrist in his hand, and the other arm snaked around Harry's waist. Their faces were a centimeter apart, and they were looking into each other's eyes. And that wasn't even the worst part.

The worst part was that Louis looked at his lips, and wanted to kiss him so, so,  _so_ badly. He knew he could go to hell for even thinking this. Harry was his fucking _brother._ It would be incest! But he couldn't keep the thought away. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Louis blinked. He let go of him, making Harry stumble a little without the support. Harry still stared at him, but Louis couldn't even look him in the eye. Not after what went through his head.

"J-just do your homework, yeah?" He didn't wait for an answer as he fled the room and went down the stairs, leaving Harry alone in his room. Louis looked in the mirror before opening the door for Zayn. He looked for any change in himself in the mirror. Was he possessed? Was he getting sick? There must've been  _some_ explanation for what happened, if not any. Louis shut his eyes and shook his head.  _Harry is your brother. Nothing more. Stop thinking like this. Get a hold of yourself Tomlinson._ Louis told himself as he looked at the mirror. The door bell rang again, and Louis tore his gaze away and walked to the door.

 _It's fine_ , he told himself. _Everything is okay_. _Nothing's changed_. Of course, that was a lie, but he didn't know it just yet.


	2. Odd Behaviors.

"So she's coming back in three months?" Zayn looked at Louis as he passed him a beer, which Zayn had to bring because there was none in the house. Louis nodded, taking a small swig at his own bottle, not wanting to get drunk with Harry still in the house.  _Harry._ Louis paused, remembering his earlier encounter. But he couldn't keep thinking about that. What he felt was just--just something he missed. That feeling of exhilaration. Louis finally came up with a realization. He hadn't gotten laid in weeks. Yes, that was it! Louis couldn't help but smile. He wasn't a freak, and he wasn't going to hell. He just needed to get laid. Louis felt like a tower had been lifted off his chest.

"Louis? Lewis!" Louis turned back to Zayn, realizing he hadn't heard what Zayn just asked. "What?" he asked.

"I said where's Harry? I haven't seen that kid in years!" Louis smiled. A minute ago that line would have had Louis a stuttering mess, but now, he felt fine. There's always a reason for everything, he thought happily.

"He's doing his homework. He'll come down later, don't worry." Louis glanced upstairs to see if Harry's door was closed, as that would mean Harry was doing something else. But it wasn't. Louis couldn't help but feel proud that Harry was actually listening after being told the first time. 

Half an hour later, when Louis and Zayn were in a discussion about a football match, footsteps were coming down the stairs. Louis looked up to see Harry with a paper and pencil in his hand, curls flopping up and down as he bounced down the stairs. Zayn gasped and ran to Harry for a hug. "Well look at this cutie," Zayn laughed as Harry tried getting away, but Zayn grabbed his arm and pulled him in, forcing him in a hug. Nothing changed then.

"Zaaayn, I have a question and I need Louis' help." Harry whined into Zayn's sweatshirt. Zayn huffed. "Fine. You're mean." He let him go after a moment and Harry smiled as he skipped over to Louis on the couch. "What's up kiddo?" Louis pulled Harry next to him, pulling his own legs up so Harry could sit on them, back to chest. Harry showed Louis the paper. 

"So," he started as leaned back on Louis' shoulder. "Whats the difference between a theme and the moral of the story?" Harry posed the pencil on a blank on the paper, ready to write after he hears Louis' answer. Louis noticed that and scoffed. "Well I'm not gonna just tell you, that'd be cheating." Harry rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter, just tell me." He had that demanding tone in his voice that he used often, but rarely on Louis. Louis raised an eyebrow. He shifted so he could see the paper better.

"What's a theme then," Louis asked and grinned when Harry lulled his head back on Louis' shoulder, closing his eyes and whining in his throat. "You're so annoying." He said, giving Louis a scowl. Zayn chuckled as he watched them, taking a swig from his beer and turning the t.v on, going to some match. 

After a minute, Harry said, "A universal truth." Louis nodded. "It's what is true for everyone, right? Almost like a fact." Louis pointed at the word moral. "Now whats a moral?"

"A lesson or something."

"So that's the difference--a theme is a truth that affects everyone, and a moral is a lesson to be taken from the story. That simple." Harry paused, and then started to write, taking his time to do it neatly. Louis ducked his head next to Harry's head, smelling the strawberry scented shampoo in his curls. He nudged his nose closer to his hair, just a little. What can he say, it was addicting.

Instead of leaving, Harry stayed there, scribbling answers on his paper. He shifted repeatedly, but Louis didn't really mind. Zayn started talking about his and Liam's game last week and how they lost, and Louis smirked.

"You've been spending an awful lot of time with Liam lately," Louis grinned and put a hand in Harry's hair, patting down the fluffy curls to see Zayn better. Zayn rolled his eyes. "It's not like that. Besides, I already have Perrie. She's cool." Zayn said seriously, trying to ignore Louis' sniggering. "Okay, sure." Louis said in a sing-song voice. 

"Shut up. And when are you gonna see Eleanor?" Zayn asked, obviously changing the subject, but Louis let it pass. "Yeah today, I just realized I haven't gotten laid in weeks." Zayn nodded, and Louis noticed that Harry's hand stopped moving. Well,  _everything_ stopped moving. Louis tried to get a look at his face but he was too far behind to see. Zayn suddenly groaned. "God I just realized how hungry I am. I'm gonna grab something, okay?" 

Louis didn't bother to answer as Zayn got up and rummaged through the pantry in the kitchen. Louis turned back to Harry the same time Harry turned around abruptly, getting a bit closer. He was frowning, and his pencil was out of his hand, long forgotten. "What are you doing?" Harry asked Louis with an accusing voice. Louis just chuckled nervously. "What're you talking about?" 

"Eleanor." Harry says the name with so much bitterness that Louis can practically taste it. "What about her?" Louis asked after a moment. 

"Don't see her."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like her."

"I don't really care." Louis couldn't help the smile breaking out on his face at how ridiculous Harry was being. Harry only frowned deeper. "Do you think this is joke? I'm being serious." Louis' smile faded, realizing that he was, indeed, serious. Louis didn't know why he minded so much. Harry never liked Eleanor, even in the beginning. But this was going too far.

"Look, why do you even care? It's just going to be, like, thirty minutes." Harry scoffed and immediately said, "What, to fuck her?" Louis paused, staring at his brother. He should've said something about not cursing, or maybe tell Harry not to be rude, anything than to actually  _answer_ his question, but that was exactly what he ended up doing. "Yeah. To fuck her." Louis pronounced each word clearly, looking Harry straight in the eye. It was silent, for a moment. Harry just sat there raging, frowning at him, and Louis just stared back. Finally, Harry said something, but this time, his tone was different. He sounded sad, like a lost puppy, but Louis knew him all too well to know he was faking it.

"You're my older brother, Lou, I just want the best for you." Harry pouted to make his point even more. This kid deserved oscar, Louis thought. "And what if I get kidnapped or something? You can't do this, Louis." Louis had to admit he had a point there, even if it was a once in a million chance. So he compromised.

"Okay, then I'll just invite Eleanor over. We can both protect you," Louis teased him. He reached for his curls and felt them for a second before Harry jerked his head away, refusing to make eye contact with Louis. Louis tried again, but Harry ducked his hand. Louis was suddenly fed up with his behavior. Pulling Harry in by his waist a bit aggressively, back to chest again, this time much closer, he trapped him there by tightening a hand around Harry's legs. He pressed his mouth against Harry's ear, holding him still.

"Why are you being a bitch, huh? What are you--do you  _like_ Eleanor?" Louis hoped not, that would make things terribly awkward. "Fuck no." He still struggled to get out of Louis' hold, but he couldn't. Harry started to whine in his throat, something he always did when things weren't going his way. "Don't swear. Then what? Why are you so mad? And don't tell me the brother bullshit." Louis felt Harry give up trying to get away, and he watched him for some sort of answer. He really did want to know what was going on. And then he heard Zayn coming from the kitchen, munching something crispy. 

Louis, almost distracted, loosened his grip on Harry, causing the younger boy to wriggle free out of his grasp and run upstairs, completely forgetting about his homework and pencil. Louis could tell he was mad, but why? He watched Harry run up to his room and slam the door shut, causing Zayn to flinch and look up. "What happened?" Zayn asked him, still crunching on whatever he was eating. Louis just shook his head, too tired to say anything. They just watched the football match after that, Louis' eyes flickering once in a while to Harry's closed door. He couldn't stop thinking about their conversation, trying to figure out an explanation as to why Harry became so bothered. He didn't come up with any.

It took an hour and a half for Zayn to leave after that, the sun close to setting. He let Zayn out, closing the door after watching him walk away. He went back to the couch, grabbing Harry's homework and pencil, which he had left. Going up the stairs, he opened Harry's door without asking. His mum had the locks on all the doors taken out long before Harry could even think of the idea.

He found Harry on his bed, like before, coloring something in a book. Louis could see from where he stood it was a skeleton. Probably a color coding science homework then. Louis came closer and sat next to him slowly, but Harry stubbornly scooted away from him, sitting on the edge of the bed. Louis didn't move though, he didn't want to annoy Harry even more. So he just stuck the paper out for Harry to take, staring at him. Harry looked at it for a second, and then snatched it quickly, a frown on his face very visible. 

"I like your drawing." Louis told him softly, watching his eyes glance at the skeleton. He didn't answer, but Louis saw him relax a little, legs less rigid. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Louis reached into his pocket and took out Harry's phone, tossing it in front of him on the bed. When Harry didn't say anything, Louis got up and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

 

"F-fuck." The sound of skin slapping together filled the room, the heat making the room smell like sex. Eleanor moaned as Louis thrusted in her mercilessly, hard enough to make the headboard hit the wall again and again. Louis tangled his fingers in her hair, leaning in and going deeper in her. He smirked when he heard her gasp and moan, louder than before. Without warning, he came right then and there, making Eleanor sigh in content as she dropped her head, chest heaving up and down, completely exhausted and worn out.

Louis panted heavily as he pulled out, body tingling the way it hadn't done in a while. He dropped down next to her, pulling on his briefs. Eleanor pulled on her bra and underwear too, panting a little less. 

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" Eleanor said as she cuddled next to Louis. He stroked her hair, not really answering. "Bet you missed this, right?" She giggled as Louis rolled his eyes. He certainly couldn't tell her,  _well no I needed to get laid after I wanted to kiss my younger brother and I figured you were good enough since we dated a couple times_ , so Louis just said, "Who couldn't." He looked back up at the ceiling, remembering the 'almost kiss' incident. He didn't even know if it was possible to be  _that_  desperate to wanna fuck your own brother. 

Wait, what? Louis frowned. He didn't want to actually have  _sex_ with him, right? No, that would be bad. Louis tried pushing the disturbing thought away, but it kept coming back like a bouncy ball. An annoying voice in his head kept saying,  _but what if you do?_  Louis tried ignoring it, but it was impossible. He began thinking about Harry--or, well, his  _body._ It was just a bit smaller than his own, and the part that Louis adored was his love handles. They were bigger than usual, and Harry hated them, but Louis found it cute, always tickling him there when they were kids. And his legs,  _oh,_ well Louis could go on about those. He remembers the last time he saw them was when Harry was 13, and they had gone swimming. He had worn these tight yellow shorts that showed off his pale thighs, smooth and hairless. He remembered how his bum stuck out when he floated in the water, and how Louis had laughed when his shorts got pulled down, revealing everything. And then, Louis realized. His cock was twitching.

Louis froze, trying to think that it was just his imagination, but he felt it again.  _What the fuck is going on with me?_ Louis asked himself. Panicking, he tried to forget Harry, but that only made him remember him. Those tight shorts, and milky soft thighs, legs hooked on Louis' shoulders as Louis pounds into-- _  
_

Louis sat up straight, abrupt and sweating, realizing he had a full on hard on. Eleanor got up too, placing a hand on his back. "Hey, what's wrong?" Just as Louis was about to tell her to get out, her phone rang and she looked at the screen. It was a text message. She gasped and said, "Oh my god, Louis I'm so sorry, but Nana's in the hospital. I have to go, but I'll call you, don't worry. I love you," she placed a quick kiss on his cheek and grabbed her clothes. Louis didn't even bother to say anything, as his mind was becoming foggy. She left the room and Louis heard her go down the stairs. 

Only one thought ran through his head.  _I just got hard thinking about my little brother._  Louis felt sick, and disgusting. The problem wasn't getting laid, it was himself. Things couldn't possible get worse than this. But he should've known the universe hated him.

"Lou?" Louis heard a soft voice come from the door. He saw Harry coming in, staring at Louis' bare torso. He locked the door behind him, and climbed on the bed next to him.

"'M sorry." He whispered after a minute. If Louis wasn't so hard right now, he would be smirking, please at making Harry actually apologize. But now, since he was actually seeing Harry in person, his raging member couldn't seem to go down at all. "Yeah, it's fine," he gritted out. Trying to make Harry leave. Harry paused, and to Louis' horror, his eyes flickered down to his cock, standing up and fully erect in his boxers. Normally, Louis wouldn't really care, but the fact that it was  _Harry_ who had caused it made Louis want to hide, away from everything. 

Harry smirked, the apology look long gone from his face. "You're hard," he said, grinning ear to ear. Louis tried playing it cool. He leaned back against the headboard, still sitting up. "Well yeah, I just fucked someone." Louis felt someone in control again when Harry's smile wiped itself off. Louis could tell he was bothered, and Louis made note to ask him later. But now he just had to focus on making his traitor cock go down.

Suddenly, Harry moved closer and got on top of Louis, an unreadable expression on his face. What made it worse was that he had his pajamas on, which had really small shorts. Louis felt his thighs brush against his member and he bit back a groan. "What the fuck are you doing?" His voice came out rough and raspy, hiding the panic in his voice. 

"I'm helping you." He could see Harry smirk as he ran a hand down Louis' abs, touching the waistband of his boxers. "Harry, stop." Even to Louis it didn't sound convincing. He wanted Harry to keep going, and he hated that. What was wrong with him? But then, a realization hit him. Harry was liking this too. He didn't even look ashamed at the very least.

Harry dipped his hand in Louis' pants, feeling the skin there. They both gasped when his hand met Louis' cock, wrapping his digits around the stiff member. Louis glanced at Harry. He had his mouth open, gasping lightly, and his eyes had a excited light in them, full of want. He started pumping Louis' cock, rubbing the pre come all over the hot skin, making Louis shut his eyes. The room was silent, making them both hear every moan, every breath.

It was so so wrong, Louis couldn't stop seeing Harry as his innocent--well, kind of,--younger brother, giving him one of the best hand jobs he'd ever gotten. Where did Harry even learn this? The thought that Harry might've done this with some other boy made Louis feel uncomfortable, not liking that one bit. 

Harry got started moving his hand faster, hot breath casting over Louis' chest. Louis' face was met with his curls, smelling the strawberry shampoo once again, this time in a more inappropriate sense. He felt a strange sense of desire, wanting to touch more, but he held back. He didn't want to scare Harry away, not now. Louis felt his stomach tighten in a knot, before he knew it, He felt something hot and sticky on Harry's hand, rubbing it slowly on his length. Then, with no warning, Harry lifted himself up to press his lips on Louis'.

He scooted up more to have better access. Louis was shocked. Did Harry even realize what he was doing? Still breathless, Louis let Harry take control of the kiss. He licked Harry's own soft plump lips and opened his mouth to let Harry in. He could tell this was probably still new to him as Harry paused a bit, just licking all over his mouth, inside and out. Once his energy was returned in a matter of seconds, he grabbed Harry's waist and turned them both over, pushing Harry on the bed and getting on top of him. Harry moaned into the kiss as Louis stuck his tongue in, exploring every inch of his mouth. He whimpered when Louis bit his lip experimentally.

Harry's hands were uselessly moving around, trying to find something to do with them as he grew hotter every second. When Louis' felt Harry's length harden on his thigh, Louis knew this had to stop before it got somewhere even worse. Stopping his movements, he pulled back, blinking at Harry's face. His lips were all red, redder than usual, and his hair was a mess, curls flying everywhere. Like a reflex, Harry pulled Louis in blindly, but Louis quickly took his wrist and pinned it down to the bed lightly, silently telling him no more. 

Louis couldn't stop looking at Harry. He looked so so so, absolutely gorgeous, his cheeks flushed and eyes a daze. Grabbing his curls in one hand, he rubbed his scalp, pulling his hair just the way he liked it. Harry sighed in content, loving the way Louis pet his hair. He nudged his head in Louis' hand, silently pleading for more. 

Louis knew what he did was wrong, a mistake. And he knew that it could absolutely never happen again. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't want it to happen. Lying here, putting Harry to sleep by petting his hair like a small cat, he could do it all day. He didn't know what would happen tomorrow, but he could worry about that, tomorrow.

So yeah, it was a mistake. But it was a fucking good one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that wasn't too bad ! Thank you all so much for reading and the kudos, it really means a lot! Please tell me what you think in the comments below~


	3. Drinking Regret Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long--been suuper busy this week . well anyways, hope you like~

Louis woke up to his phone ringing. He squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the bright light coming from his windows. He groaned and scratched his head, sliding his iPhone to pick up the call. He brought it up to his ear, letting out a groggy, "Hello?" He impatiently waited for the person to answer. There was some sort of background air noise coming from the other line, and Louis was about to hand up when he heard a woman's voice. It was Jay.

"Louis! I'm sorry for calling, I just thought you were awake. Clearly you're not." Louis frowned and looked at the clock.  _12:33_. It felt like eight a.m. "I just called to check up on everything. So everything went okay yesterday?" Louis frowned, trying get his mind back in shape. He made the lunch, Eleanor came, Harry did his homewo--

Louis stilled, very much awake now. He remembered last night, guilt crowding his stomach. He began to hear the blood pounding in his ears, getting faster every second. He realized he had been silent for a while when he heard Jay say, "Louis? You okay?" He shut his eyes, trying to forget everything that he just remembered momentarily. "Yeah, yeah it was fine. Harry finished his homework and I made sure the house didn't burn down," Louis lifted his comforter off and sat up, getting ready to end the call and use the bathroom. 

"Harry went to school, right?" Louis looked around, panicking. Did he? He knew Harry walked to school, since it was five minutes away walking, but with Louis knocked out and no one in the house, he'd be a fool to go. Still, Louis just gave him the benefit of the doubt, trying to sound convincing when he said, "Yeah, yeah he left. Listen, I gotta go, so i'll call you later?" Louis tried to end the call before she could've asked something else that Louis couldn't answer honestly. He always knew he would make a horrible father some day.

There was silence on the other line for a moment or two, and then, "Alright. I love you," she said slowly. Louis just said bye and hung up the phone, trying to calm down. Worries filled his head. Had Harry gotten so scared of what happened last night that he ran away? Or worse, had he told the cops? Louis looked out his window for police cars, just in case. He had no actual proof that Harry had gone to school. Sure his school bag was gone, but what if he just gone somewhere else? His worries were answered a half hour later when he was downstairs, eating cereal.

The home phone rang, and Louis picked it up, crunching the cereal. "Hello?" 

"Is this Jay Tomlinson?"

"No, she uh, left for some work business in Colorodo. This is her son," Louis waited, wondering who this woman was and what happened. Was his mother in trouble or something? Maybe some unpayed bills?  There was a pause on the other line. "Are you 18 or older?" her voice sounded tired. 

"Yeah." He pressed on, wondering why she was asking.

"This is Hilda Joneson, from Lardson High." Louis perked up in interest, recognizing the school that Harry went to. Had they called to say he didn't show up? Or maybe he left? What if his fears were right?

Louis didn't know whether to be relieved or mad when she said, "I'm calling on regard of your little brother. He seemed to have gotten himself into a bit of a fight." Louis sighed, glad that Harry was indeed at school. "Alright, I'm coming." 

 

"He has been acting out lately. His grades are fine, but he's constantly talking back to his teachers, causing trouble, and now this." Louis scratched his head and leaned against the table, listening to the vice principal rant. In front of him sat a boy with ginger hair who had his legs crossed out, looking very relaxed. He had wide shoulders. and Louis could tell he was probably very tall. Next to him sat Harry, who was obviously very mad, refusing to make eye contact with anyone as he stared at the window. He kept shifting his chair so he was even further away from everyone, stubbornly frowning and not saying anything.

"Wait so--Harry tripped him purposely? And then punched him?" Louis looked at the principal very skeptically, and she nodded without hesitation. Louis glanced at Harry, who shifted a little bit, turning himself even more away from everyone, looking like a five year old child. Louis looked at the boy this time. He had a bigger frame than Harry, and was obviously stronger. The boy kept moving, wriggling in his chair, and bouncing his leg a little. He sniffed and looked at Louis. Louis paused, and then turned to the woman.

"So did you see this happening?" The principal paused. "Well no, but Freddie here has said that--" Louis stood up, interrupting her. "What and you and believe him?" The lady sputtered.

"Freddie has a 4.0 GPA, maintained above average grades, never gotten into trouble--" Louis started heading for the door. "Yeah okay. I got it. Harry, come on." Harry immediately turned around, looking at Louis with wide eyes. He hopped off his chair and grabbed his school bag, smirking at his principal as he passed her. The woman protested.

"What do you think you're doing? We have to discuss his punishment!" Harry went behind Louis, glaring at the boy sitting in the chair, who glared back. Louis faced her again. "Look, I'll punish him my way. I promise it won't happen again. By the way, your _precious_ Freddie is stoned." He turned to the door again without saying anything else, guiding Harry in front of him by the waist. He ignored the boy's protests and the woman's yelling.

"He's stoned? How do you know?" Harry looked up at him as they walked out of the building. ""Cause I've been." The boy was moving too much, and his eyes were bloodshot, unfocused, and hazy. He wondered why no one noticed. They walked all the way to Louis' car, with Harry in the passenger seat. When they were both in the car, Louis put the keys in, not going just yet.

"Alright, what happened?" Louis turned to Harry, waiting for an explanation. Harry didn't respond, just looked at Louis with a blank innocent expression, blinking. Louis gave it few more seconds until it was clear that he wasn't going to talk. Louis wasn't about to play the fool. He took out the keys and opened the door. "Okay, we can just go back inside and talk with the principal then. Come on," he had a foot out the door when he heard Harry say, "Wait!" Smirking, Louis closed the door and faced Harry again, who was now frowning at the blackmail. 

"Just answer the question, love. I know he was lying, so what happened?" Louis watched the curly haired boy bite his bottom lip nervously, and waited. Finally, Harry spoke in a quiet tone. 

"He tried punching me, but I ducked. And when I did that he lost balance and fell, and obviously blamed the whole thing on me when the teachers came." Harry watched as Louis frowned. "Why did he want to punch you?" Harry bit his lip nervously and looked down at the water bottles in the car's cup holders. He didn't say anything. "Harry." Louis waited, and finally, Harry said, "He was teasing me about Nick and I told him that…maybe _he_ was into Nick--" Louis interrupted.

"Who the hell is Nick?" Louis thinks he's heard it before, but he can't place when or where.

"My…friend."

"Your friend."

"Yes." Louis noticed he was blinking, the lying-blinking, and he wasn't making eye contact. Louis started to get suspicious. "Harry," he egged on. "I know you're lying." He felt pleased when he watched him sigh, aka give up. "Fine. He's sort of my…boyfriend. Well not really? I just. I do stuff….with him." Harry blushed as he looked outside, not wanting to see Louis' reaction. That was a wise choice.

Louis felt weird. Like, not the part about Harry having a boyfriend, but the part about him having a _boyfriend_. Louis didn't like that word, not when it and Harry were in the same sentence. He stayed silent, just staring at his brother, mouth slightly open. Harry peeked at him, and then looked back outside, biting his lip. Louis cleared his throat. "Oh." He didn't even know what to say or do, so he just put the keys in the ignition and started the car, backing out to the driveway. Harry turned to him. 

"You're…okay with that?" he asked softly.

No, no no. I'm definitely not okay with that, Louis thought, but couldn't stop the nod that assured Harry. Harry stopped, and then smiled a little. "Okay," he said a lot more relieved. "I thought you were gonna like freak out like mum and give me the whole lecture." Harry hummed happily, completely unaware of the fact that Louis was indeed freaking out inside. He rested his back against his seat. Louis felt Harry staring at him when they were stopped in a red light. Still raging about this Nick, Louis was completely unprepared when Harry spoke. 

"So how're you gonna do it?" He spoke in a lustful voice. "Punish me," he clarified. He rested his head on the head rest and lulled his head to the side, smirking at Louis. He moved his legs closer to the lever, body facing the older boy. Louis froze, stilling all movements and thoughts right then and there. He had momentarily forgot about their little encounter last night and had no doubt that that was what Harry was referring to. He gulped inaudibly, watching an old man cross the road. 

"You'll see." His voice was toneless, completely shady and hidden, just the way Louis was feeling right now. He knew he had to tell Harry that it was a mistake, that what they did was wrong, but he felt like Harry already knew that. I mean, what was the point? He knew his little brother all too well to know that he would just come bouncing back no matter what Louis did. So he decided to save that talk for later. Just keep the conversation PG was all he was worried about. And even that backfired a minute later because Harry said, "Are you gonna fuck me hard and dirty? For being a bad boy?"

If they weren't at a red light, Louis might have swerved the car right into a ditch. Speaking of PG. Louis could have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious. But he wasn't about to give Harry the pleasure of causing Louis to be speechless. So this time, he look straight into Harry's eyes and said, "Don't. Swear." It was something he said way to often, starting when Harry was 12.

Before he turned away, he caught a slight frown from him. Louis knew Harry was getting frustrated that he couldn't make him yell or do anything. They didn't talk for the rest of the ride.

When they both got home, Harry immediately sat at the kitchen table, taking a banana and peeling it open, not giving Louis any attention as he came and dropped his keys on the kitchen counter. Louis was about to go upstairs and unpack his suitcase when he remembered something. Stopping, he turned around and towered over Harry, who was just staring straight ahead, munching on the banana.

"What stuff do you do with him?" Louis tried to say it calmly, he really did. He was just worried about his little brother. That's all. He didn't want this Nick guy to corrupt him.

Harry didn't do or say anything for a minute, then looked up at Louis through his eyelashes, opening his mouth wide and popping the fruit in, keeping it there. His eye contact didn't waver, and Louis blinked. He knew Harry was smirking; the corner of his mouth rode up as he stared at Louis. It was a clear indication of an answer to his question, but Louis chose to ignore that fact. 

It was just silent between the two of them, both daring the other to break the silence. Harry finally finished his banana and got up to throw it away, but Louis stood, trapping him between himself and the table. Harry stared right into his eyes, the air so thick it could be cut. Louis wasn't sure, but it almost seemed as if Harry had come a little closer, their noses almost touching. It reminded Louis of the first night he came, and how he had gotten so worried. But he wasn't worried now. He was downright mad. Why had he just known about Nick _now?_ Or… was this happening for a long time? Louis should've known why Harry gave a real good hand job. The thought almost made Louis feel guilty, but he couldn't think about that now. He had too many questions.

"Well--does he force you to do anything? And how do you even know him?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Relax, he's Stan's friend--" Louis stopped him. "What, what? Stan's my age! Why is he hanging around a 15 year old--wait. You've got to be kidding me." Louis felt himself grow angrier--if that was even possible-- and he gaped at Harry. The younger boy just smirked and leaned back against the table edge, Louis still blocking him. 

Louis raged, trying to find something to say calmly, rationally. It had to be reasonable.

"I don't want you seeing him anymore."  _So_ reasonable. Now it was Harry's turn to scowl. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Louis knew he was getting mad, but he couldn't help but feel slightly pleased. "Language, Harold." He said seriously, not really answering his question. 

"You can't just tell me who I can and can't see!" Harry tried to stand up straight again, but the distance between them was so close, he just managed to fall back to the table.

"Actually, I can," Louis smiled innocently and leaned in, placing his hands at the edge of the table on either side of Harry, locking him in. Harry was frowning even deeper. He mumbled and grumbled, trying to say something. Louis heard a small whine starting.  _Here we go,_ he thought. 

"Then I'll tell mum!" Louis shrugged. "Fine, I'll tell her about your fight today then." Harry paused, eyes growing bigger at the threat. 

"Look, I'm doing you a favor, okay? You could get a lot of diseases from doing…stuff. Are you guys even--wait, he didn't….you guys didn't have sex, right?" Louis' heart pounded as he waited for an answer. Harry blinked. "I don't know," he said passively. "Did we?" He looked smug and leaned back, a bit more relaxed. His smirk was immediately wiped off when Louis grabbed his arm in surprise, nails digging in his forearm. Louis saw a flicker of fear flash through his eyes, and he was looking down now, trying not to to look at Louis.

"Harry," Louis warned, just about on his last nerve now. He felt Harry wince and lightened his grip on him. Harry shook his head slowly. "He said that I was too young." 

Louis let out a relieved sigh. Maybe this Nick guy wasn't that bad. But still. Louis hated every inch of him. "Good. But I still don't want you seeing him. You got it?" Harry frowned again, getting the courage to look Louis in the eye now that he was less angry. "Why?" he whined. But he didn't seem as mad as before, knowing when to stop arguing with Louis. 

Louis sputtered, thinking of so many reasons why but not being able to say it. "B-because…I'm just looking out for you, okay? Don't ask any questions." Harry smiled a little at that, and Louis chose to look away, clearing his throat abruptly. He took his hands off the table, granting Harry a little more space, but Harry stayed where he was, staring at Louis. "Fine. I'll stop. But on one condition," Harry told him. Louis scoffed. "Fine. Name your price," Louis said, hoping it wasn't anything too major.

"I know about your plans with Zayn tonight, at the club. I want to come with you." Harry crossed his arms and waited for a response. Louis stared.

"You're fifteen."

"I'm well aware of that, thank you."

"Then fuck no," Louis watched Harry raise his eyebrows. "Do you not get how the whole blackmail thing works?"

"So this is blackmail."

"Lou," Harry started to whine again and pouted, tugging his arm closer to him. "I already have a fake ID. Don't worry," Harry wanted to assure him, but just did the opposite. Louis sputtered. So many questions arose, but none came to his tongue. He suddenly just felt tired, like he couldn't lecture him anymore. He sighed.

"Fine. But you do everything I say--and no more than one drink. I want you with me at all times, you understand?" Harry rolled his eyes and smiled. "Sure." He squeezed out of the gap between them and headed upstairs, loud music coming from his room a minute later.

Louis rubbed his eyes and groaned. What the fuck did he just get himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is gonna be two parts (hence the title) since i wanted to make a certain scene longer *winka wink* but i wont take so long to update next time ! please leave comments or suggestions on what you think--really appreciate it !


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